UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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