we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
