you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You left your phone here
Wait...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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