i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
