Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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