somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
