I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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