my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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