who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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