Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
