This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
