Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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