he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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