Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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