What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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