My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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