also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
