i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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