i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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