Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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