You made me cry and you don't even care
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
