I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
