i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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