The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
