After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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