We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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