just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
