Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
