Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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