She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
