A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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