you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
