One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
