I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
