i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
