i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
