Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
