So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
