I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
