Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
