Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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