I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
