Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
