Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
