this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
