u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
