He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
