I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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