Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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