My liver just broke up with me...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize