I cannot find my penis.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
