when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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