How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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