my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it hurts more in the daytime
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
