why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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