I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
