I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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