I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
