Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
