I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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