I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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