woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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