I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
