dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
