I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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