My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want her autograph on my taint
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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