I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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