For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
