no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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