I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
