Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
