I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize