It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
