I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
