At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
