.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
