I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
