i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You smell like stripper and shame
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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