I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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