he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize