Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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