Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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