i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize