i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
