Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize