Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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