I think I won the penis lottery.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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