I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
