everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
