i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
