I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
