I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Its about making memories worth repressing
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
