You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
