I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
