he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize