Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
