the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Randomize
