Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
