so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
