I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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