My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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